Well, this is my second attempt. I lost my first post--I think. Hmmm. Well anyway, as I was saying, I feel the need to journal again. This seems like a motivating way to do it. I might actually write more than every six months this way. I think it will be therapeutic to write. I only see Dr. S. every month to six weeks, so maybe this will help me through.
Cassandra left today. She went back to live with her boyfriend. It was an impulsive choice. I have mixed feelings about it. I'm somewhat relieved because she is so high maintenance. I do hurt, though. Every time I adjust to her again, she leaves and it breaks my heart (and Scott's) again. Parental love is so hard. I get mad at her and wish I didn't care sometimes. No matter what she does or how she hurts me, I can never stop loving and caring. Darn.
I wonder if she will take care of herself and eat healthy. She insists at 16 that she is old enough to take care of herself, but I know better. Mark has shown that he is completely irresponsible. When will the rollercoaster ride end? I don't want to be a grandma at 37, but I will be. I just hope that she will be O.K.
The thing I prayed for this morning was that she would learn some important lessons. Well, maybe this is the answer for her.
I'm going to publish this now and see how it works. (fingers crossed)
Posted by 2Flower at September 8, 2003 11:54 PM | TrackBack