But I wished I were on many occasions. Just a little Terry Pratchett quote from the character named Granny Weatherwax. It's the words on a sign she holds to let people know she isn't dead when she's "borrowing" -- long story. I have a long story too, but my mind hasn't been off traveling in the mind of an animal. That probably would have been more fun. I have just been in the middle of my parents' separation since January. It is getting easier, finally. I don't really know why I quit blogging -- fear perhaps. I think I was afraid that one or both of my parents would somehow find my blog and I would have somehow said something that hurt them or made them angry with me or angrier with each other.
So anyway, I have to finally get over this paranoia and live my life. I'm almost 40 years old, and I need to be a grown-up. Their problems, while unfortunate, should not be affecting me like this. I can't believe how much hell I have let myself go through this year. It didn't have to be this way, but it was. I CHOSE. I didn't have to isolate myself the way I did and sometimes still do. I can't get those months back now, but I can continue to learn from this experience I have allowed myself to be dragged through -- and grow. I hope I can steel my resolve to no longer be the person in the middle -- the messenger. I hate that role. I have to learn to be stronger. I'm making progress. FINALLY.
You know, it really bothered me all these months that I didn't blog, and I felt such guilt for not blogging. It was silly. I don't know why it was impossible for me. I mean, words are just pouring out of me now. But I really do tend to drop off the face of the earth when things get really tough. It's so hard to face people when I feel that way. I just feel embarrassed that I quit -- whatever I happened to quit at the time --, and then it's so awkward for me to go back. But again, I'm going to remind myself that my blogging -- it's for ME. I do it because it's healthy for me to write. I don't have to be particularly smart or interesting, because no one is forced to read this crap. ;)
So, Hello Again! :) I'm going to try to be well now.
Posted by 2Flower at October 27, 2005 07:25 PM | TrackBackMom,
I wish I had gotten on here sooner. I have spent the last 2 hours reading every entry on here. Please keep this up. I am so sorry that I put you and dad through so much last year...but I wouldn't have made it to where I am now without all your help. Thankyou for everything, you're the best! I think we can relax now, the worst is over. Grandma and Grandpa will eventually get things straitened out one way or the other...Just hang in there. You are so strong, and such a good example to me. I would encourage you to continue to blog, I will definately read!
I love you!
Posted by: Cassandra at October 28, 2005 12:30 PM